trying to write...

Tonight I saw Blood Diamond with two of my friends. It is a powerful movie which made me weap at the end. I was not just crying, but more like convulsing because of the pain and hell so much of this world goes through. Movies, writings, and experiences often bring me to this state of mind as I am sure they do to many people. Reality can be a horrible thing.
My post is titled "trying to write" because I internalize so much of what I feel about these matters of corruption and injustice. I internalize it so much that I do not know how to put words to my thoughts. Someone at Stone Soup today told me I should write a book; I don't think he meant anything by it or maybe he did, but in any event it has inspired me to at least be more diligent in expressing my thoughts publicly. You will have to excuse my rambles and nonsense as I use this blog to talk out loud.
Lately, I have been feeling really weighed down by this world. I know it is not perfect, and I am beginning to see that more and more. I feel held back by society and its rules/expectations, but who am I to complain because I live in a nation where I am safe to walk the streets, to say what I want, and to believe what I want. I have freedom or as much freedom as you can have on this Earth. What am I supposed to do with that freedom? How can I be of service? How can I make sure that my life is not wasted and that my resources and support are not given to me in vain?
I am not sure the answers to those questions, and as I mentioned in the previous blog I am for the first time without a plan. I have ideas of course, but I know that right now I am inadequate to follow through with any of them. Life is a process, and one that needs to be given to me with God's timing. He knows when I can handle certain facts and when I can best succeed at something. I trust He will lead the way because He has written it to be true.
It is a bit scary putting these thoughts to words I now realize because with that comes a greater responsibility. I don't want to be known as someone who just talked, but I want to follow up my convictions with action. Although I am unsure of how I sound to those who are reading this, but I hope you can hear the sincerity I have as I write. My words aren't light, but fill my mind daily. There is hope though, and I know that there is good amongst all the bad; there is light in the darkness.